I propose that parental alienation should be made illegal and enforced by law.
If you do not know what parental alienation is then consider yourself lucky. For all the other unfortunate parents that have to suffer with it, I just want to say with tears running down my face as I write this, I am so very sorry for the time you have lost with your babies. I would not wish this fate upon my worst enemy. It is a very emotionally taxing guilty process that could have been avoided if these laws were in place. We wouldn't have to sit back and watch other people raise our children and manipulate them to believe that we don't really love them or want to help them.
So if these laws are implemented to protect our babies and enforced by a judge perhaps you will be glad to know that there is still a good chance you may have your children again. Parental alienation is a sin, it is a way to torture parents and use their children as leverage to hit them below the belt when they are down. It is all about getting the upper hand by using power and control tactics amongst the father/ mother/ DCF/ CPS/ Judge/ Abuser.....
This is very important that you recognize the charachter traits of an abuser in this scenario for if you have never been a victim this may potentially catch you off gaurd.
Coercions/Threats
* To abandon you and the kids
* To commit suicide
* To physically hurt you or kids
* To report him/ her to welfare
* To do illegal acts
* Coercing you to drop charges
* Smashing/ vandalized property
* Abusing/ Neglecting children
* Displaying weapons
* Making others believe him/her is crazy
* Playing mind games
* Making him/her constantly feel guilty
* humiliating him/her
* Using the children to relay messages
* Using visitation to harass the alienated parent
*Threatening to move with the children or disclose whereabouts
* Preventing parent from getting or keeping a job.
* Not helping financially with the kids
* Making light of the abuse and not taking concerns seriously. Saying the abuse didn't happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. Saying the alienated parent caused it.
All the above bullet points were depicted off of the Power and Control Wheel developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project.
False allegations of child abuse is common to get an order that keeps the alleged abusive parent from spending time with the child.
In my case I was victim to all of these scenario's. Our abuser was reflecting all of his anger towards me in a devious way that in a court of law seemed rather convincing. That is what narcissistic people are very good at, believing their own lies to cover their track's. The real scary part was how the Department cooberated with his stories without properly investigating at least five very serious allegations of abuse and neglect that had occurred since our children have been in his custody.
Telling a child to call the alienating parent's significant other "dad" or "mom" is another form of parental alienation. Allowing the non parent to take on parental roles in the child's life. If parental substitution is allowed to continue it may be too late to persuade the child otherwise that the biological parents still very much loves/needs them but that message is not getting to the child because of the mixed signals and blocked messages.
This is another topic all together but I believe we may solve a lot of problems by enforcing adultery laws all across the nation. Here in the United States it is not enforced in certain States and I believe this matter in itself disgraces family and marriage. If there are not going to be fundamental consequences for ruining a family unit then what exactly are we teaching our children? That it is ok to up and leave, start all over, and do this repeatedly instead of working hard on making it work for the best welfare of the children.
The biggest complaint we hear from parents regarding their custody litigations is that repeated violations of orders go unpunished with some parents making a mockery of the courts authority.
Children's repeated refusal to see alienating parent over time. I agree children's wishes should be determinative to a social status extent.
Supervised visitation presents obstacles to rightfully get children to see the alienated parent. Visitation Centers are a gimmick to use against you in court because it's a very uncomfortable situation anyways. A sure sign that parental alienation has taken place is when children refuse to follow court ordered parenting schedules.
Ending the children's contact with their rightful parent fails to justify such a tragic outcome when compared to ending a parent child relationship, the reasons are trivial in addition, even when it is apparent that the other parent has played a significant role in the estrangement of the alienated parent. If this is becoming so obvious in a court of law then why is it being allowed? We shouldn't have to accept this especially when our children's well being is at stake.
I don't think mother's/ father's EVER intend on becoming dead beat mom's/ dad's it just sort of looks that way because some of them have lost their will to survive. That's the cold honest truth folks that some people feel absolutely incomplete and dead without their children. Its like being dismembered. This is very IMPORTANT to those parents that are feeling this pain. NEVER give up on them because they need YOU and will come looking for you.
* Rejected parents should not passively accept the lack of contact these cooling off periods will cause an even bigger rift in the relationship until it will eventually become severed.
It is up to us to keep trying and avoid our relationships with our children from being severed. We do belong in our children's lives . For instance, EVERY night I texted my spouse to have my children call me and they have not returned my call in a month, but one day they will so I keep trying. The day's I can't tell them I love them, I then write to them in a journal or on facebook or in a letter. Never lose hope for they will one day read it and look back knowing that I always was thinking of them, missing them, and loving them from a far.
If you would like to read more about parental alienation a e-book by Dr. Richard A. Warshak called Divorce Poison is where I was able to grasp most of my knowledge on said topic.
